no, this is not 'keeping it together'

people with less and/or no kids than me keep asking 'how i am keeping it so under control'. well, to start with:
a) a baby nurse - and, honestly, i still feel it's really crazy, so ask me in 3 weeks when she's been gone for a week
b) and, to end with, NO this is not 'keeping it together'.

i mean, when i picked my 4.5 year old up from school (please note he was on time - from the days mom brings him- for the first time since i had the baby), i noticed his pants were on backwards. these pants were not merely drawstring pants, but have a fly and pockets, etc. don't i get credit for remembering him? i shouldn't even go there as i'm sure that day will be here soon. day before last the only thing i had eaten until 9.30 that night was the slices of jarlsberg i could carve off the giant-costco-size-cheese-hunk with a chef's knife (is that really safe while breastfeeding?) while nursing and an apple in between P's plastic surgeon appt, preschool dev. committee site visit, and march of dimes committee meeting (which i brought 21 month old to and i've never seen a kid there). oh, and during that meeting, i left my newborn with sick baby nurse and 4.5 yr old parked in front of movie with dinner with strict instructions not to wake baby nurse unless it was an emergency. doesn't really sound like 'keeping it together' more like 'treading water'.

i'm sure as with going from 1 to 2 there is a 'period of adjustment' and i am hoping it all goes into a nice swing rhythm sometime soon. many other people have handled it well, and i know myself capable. once i feel well-rested - when will that be? that will help. and, when i quit breastfeeding, which i'd like to do now, but can't mentally do that as i'd liek to try for 7 mos. since i made it that far with the other boys - or, at least, five...? i seem to remember wanting to quit around this time with swanky and discussing it with mel (who did quit around now or in 4 wks with delainey). it will get easier.

LC pats mable on back while she pats him and moves hand in circular motion when she rubs hers on his back - that's crazy at 7 wks!
swanky's still banging his head on counter when aggravated - scary.and being really cute when he runs away (sort of side to side swagger style) with hands in air when excited. and saying all sorts of new words "house, toast, powell at school" and yelling 'bye bye baby' when we leave. loves to kiss baby and, apparently, hit him with book while LC sleeping in cradle swing & mable there - nice.
p;'s keeping me nervous he'll bust open his stitches again and amazing me with his memory for rather mundane ancient details - we drove up to bubble tea place (which i'm addicted to with lack of sleep/time to eat) and he asked if he could see fake fish aquarium at nail place next door. i thinkt he last time he had seen it was a year and a half ago. ahhhh - the important things in life.
E was at microsoft today - said the meetings were ok. meetings with the big G are much better with integration deal in the works, not as good as purchase as i wanted to live in italia for 2 mos with kids, but maybe next year? he works his ass off and deserves it.
going to big sur for the 1st time in about 3mos due to bebe (and not wanting water birth with nude support team in weeks prior and c-section keeps us out of car after) tomorrow for 5 days. can't wait. not sure what baby nurse will think as a little more rustic than her family's usual vacation digs.